slow down and relax

i'm not a fan of drama and i don't have patience for people who play the victim. i learned this in college when i first remember discovering drama. there were girls there who always had some mini-crisis in their life...requiring several others to take away from their studies or fun or whatever to play a part in their need for attention and pawn over them. i'm not trying to be harsh or insensitive, but i'm guessing you know the type...it's always the same person, the "crisis" is rarely major or different from what everyone goes through, and they're always the victim. never in control of what happens to them. if you offer a solution or help, they have nothing but excuses...because they actually enjoy being the victim.

now that i'm older, the drama comes in a different form. it's living in a perpetual state of stressed out busyness. it seems to be a status symbol of some sort to be so busy and harried that you can't have a 5 minute conversation with a person and actually look them in the eye. the other day i was talking to someone who was interested in scrapbooking, but was just so busy she didn't have the time. she referenced a friend of hers who scrapbooks, but qualified it with "she's really busy too, don't get me wrong, i don't know how she has the time to get it all done." it hit me right then. why did she feel a need to qualify her friend by assuring me that this friend was, indeed, busy?

sure, we all have spurts of stressful moments. it's unavoidable, and a small amount of stress is actually healthy. but i don't want to live a stressful life for an extended amount of time. i've seen people allow their health, marriage and happiness deteriorate all in the persuit of a career, keeping up with the joneses, or just having a need to be busy so they're somehow validated.

i believe no matter what life throws our way, we have the power to keep it in control. to take time for ourselves and de-stress. we can push through the stressful times and then make sure those uber-stressful times are the exception, not the norm. i believe we can politely say "no" when our plate is full, and at the very least, when life throws us a crazy curve ball, we can make sure our attitude is positive.

here's some tips to help the over-stressed relax and avoid that ulcer..or shingles...or worse.

* plan ahead and give yourself time. at my most stressed, it's usually b/c i haven't done adequate planning or i'm running late. it's better to take the time to prepare than to be pressed and frustrated. that's when murphey comes around.

* enlist help. get a husband, a co-worker, an older child or a friend to help. i usually prefer to do things myself, in my way. the thought of delegating things to others makes my heart beat a bit faster. but i'm learning to pick my battles. prioritize things. choose one or a few of those things that are pretty standard or you don't care as much about (or better, one you don't like doing), and let someone else do it. when people offer to help, LET THEM. you know you'd do the same for them. and many hands make light work. oh, and once you've assigned a task to someone else, DON'T NAG THEM. trust that they'll do it. at most, give a friendly reminder or ask a question. no one likes to be micro-managed.

* sleep. one of the biggest defenses against stress is getting a good night's sleep. sleep resets your mind and allows you to think through problems with a fresh, and usually more sensible, perspective. i know lots of people have trouble turning off their mind enough to sleep. find what it is that helps you wind down at night. hot tea, reading, prayer, watching mindless tv... your body requires sleep and without it, your immune system will suffer, compounding the issue.

* eat. it seems the people on the brink of snapping aren't sleeping, are running themselves ragged, and they "don't have time" to eat. they eat vending machine junk food and a soda for lunch, skip breakfast, eat fast food for dinner. food if your body's fuel. it absolutely can't function on junk. especially if you're requiring it to work under extra stress. slow down. take 5 minutes for a quick breakfast, even if it's an apple en route. eat lunch. you can take 20 minutes and allow your mind to turn off as you eat a sandwich or last night's leftovers or a small salad. same for dinner. maybe just start with one truly healthy, hearty meal per day. there is a measurable (positive) difference in my demeanor after i've slept and/or eaten. i bet i'm not alone.

* laugh. don't take yourself so seriously. when you see yourself snapping at people, step back and laugh at yourself and the situation. even if it's at a funeral, a genuine moment of laughter can ease the tension and it allows others to emotionally connect with you.

* stay clean and organized. i know this is another tough one to follow through on, but i find being in a cluttered house (or workspace or car..) makes me feel overwhelmed. if i keep it relatively organized, i feel more energetic to get something done.

* say no. i know it's hard. people are depending on you. but it's the whole 20/80 thing..20% of the people doing 80% of the work. you keep getting asked b/c people know you'll do it and do it right. but knowing when your plate is full is crucial to avoiding burnout. if you don't do it...then someone else will. or they won't. and that's ok. if no one else picked up the slack, maybe it's time to ask if that task is really that important.

* make a list. i'm a list maker. it helps me remember what needs to be done, it's a quick answer should someone say "what can i do to help?" and it makes you see what you accomplished that day. it also helps you prioritize what things need to be done and what can be done another day, by someone else, or not at all.

* your spouse/best friend/parent/child is your ally, not your enemy. we tend to lash out at the ones closest to us, though we know we shouldn't. i promise you this: your loved ones would rather sit at home every night playing board games or singing silly songs and have a life that is relaxed and happy, than to have all the money in the world, be in every project or activity, or be the most popular socialite, if it means feeling frazzled and getting snapped at.

* be grateful. nothing gives perspective and balance like naming all the things you're thankful. stress tends to make us the victim. but if you're living in the US, you're extremely wealthy. you have enough money to live. maybe you need to get out of debt or curtail your lifestyle a bit, but you have enough. take a moment to breathe and take inventory of your family, friends, home, car, job, good memories and experiences, education, health and possessions.

merry christmas and remember, in the hustle and bustle of the season, slow down and savor the warm fuzzy moments as they happen.