climbing maslow's pyramid

so... for 4.5 years (since i've been living in nashville) i've struggled with loneliness, and in turn, a bit of anxiety and depression (very mild, mind you) for the first time in my life. i've been extremely frustrated and a bit blue while dealing with feelings that simply aren't a part of my make up. i'm an extroverted, outgoing, social person. i need people to fully feel like myself.

but i've been without this. i've desperately tried to make friends with a variety of people with little success (to the point that i've felt too desperate, which caused me to retreat and feel awkward around others). there's been a few people, and i'm grateful for them, but as far as a core group of friends that i'm close with and feel i can call for anything at any time, it just wasn't happening for me. i've never been without a great group of close friends, and i just haven't really known what to do with myself without them.

and then..all of a sudden...it's like the clouds parted, the sun came out, the birds started chirping and my i felt like myself again. AAAHHHHHH!!!!

we changed churches seem to have clicked with a few people there. i'm going to be watching a baby in my home a couple days a week again, and the parents of this baby are absolutely great. we've met twice to discuss the logistics and for them to get a feel for me. both times, the time has flown and we've been really comfortable with each other. oddly enough, this family started attending our old church right after we left..... alena and i had a play date with someone else today that i didn't really know that well, but had a lot of fun. all this follows a long weekend with my best friend from high school and her awesome husband and adorable baby, which always resets my brain to remembering exactly who i am.

i've had a couple rather in-depth conversations (via facebook) with high school acquaintances i haven't talked to since....'96 or '97, but they were both people who, while not super close friends, knew me pretty well back then and influenced who i am now. it was really cool to catch up with them and see where we're at now. this also has helped to ground me and reassure me that i am still me. (does that make sense?)

i've always been comfortable with myself, but when you move to a new place (and the South is a tough place to live when you're not a southerner anyway) and have trouble making friends, you start to question everything.. what is it about me that's not able to make friends? am i ticking people off? coming off too strongly? am i just dull or socially inept? am i simply a circle trying to fit in a square?

but ahh... i've recently been able to really enjoy the company of 4 different couples lately, not including steve and tricia, and i feel amazing.

i guess this fits the "esteem" level of maslow's hierarchy of needs.

yay. yay for friendship and good social interaction!! finally!