so here we are again..

when we decided to have a baby, it was hands down, no questions asked, the right decision for me to stay home with my baby. the feeling in my gut was a night and day difference when i considered working or staying home. however, it required cutting our income in 1/2 when there weren't really any costs to cut outside of the gas to drive to work. the first year i was home 100% and it was very hard financially (though wonderful!) when alena was 11 months old, i started working T/Th teaching a mother's day out class, with alena in my class. it was a perfect solution. almost like getting paid for a play date. when alena was 13 months old, i started watching another baby in my house on M/W. that's been my life for the past year.

it was wonderful, enough money for the expenses to be paid without me having to be away from alena at all. it has also given her great social interaction without being away from her mommy.

this year she's in another teacher's class down the hall (and her class and teacher are both wonderful) the baby that i've been watching is now a year old and her mom has been able to move down to working part time and not needing me to watch her daughter anymore. while i'm soooo happy for this mom and baby to have more time together, i'm sad that alena won't see her friend much anymore and also...that my meager little income will be cut in half again.

so here we are. i need to find something to make up for that income. it's not much, but it's the difference of the ends being met or not. (and believe me, we have no more room to trim from the budget at this point, all fat was trimmed when i quit my FT job) so i've put a bug in people's ears that i'd like to watch another baby or even do some clerical work on the side...i'm keeping an eye on craigslist for any part time or legitimate work from home jobs. but here comes the hard part.

do i push for something to have something...even if it means i'd need someone to watch alena on M/W, possibly F? or do i sit tight and wait for the right thing to come along? i have to say, God has always provided just enough at just the right time, and i'm not to the panic point yet...so do i give Him more time, or take matters into my own hands a little more actively?

what really tempts me is the fact that if i went back to work FT, we could be completely out of debt (except the house) in a reasonable amount of time. however, that is time away from alena that i'm not willing to give up. that's time that i can never get back. i love the idea of being home with her during her preschool years..she's just now getting to the age where we can point out flowers and bugs and splash in puddles and finger paint and bake cookies together and all those fun things you do with your kids before they go off to school. (and at that point, i can go back to work and not be so stinkin' poor again!) it's just a matter of surviving 3 more years (4? i think the kindergarten cut off date may have her not going to school until she's almost 6)

so. this is the dilemma of every mom who also needs to or enjoys earning a paycheck. it's nothing new, but it's my first trip through this motherhood stage. it's always worked out and i trust that it will again this time. i just hate the roller coaster ride.

so keep your eyes and ears open for me and pray for me for patience. :)