WWYD

i watched "what would you do" last night. they had a segment where a bride tried on dresses that ranged from hideous to ridiculous to simply non-traditional. (i actually thought the one chick could've pulled off the pants-gown, btw, depending on her personality and the rest of the ceremony..) the point was to see how her closest women friends would react. would they save her from humiliation or let it go and just laugh behind her back? there was a range of reactions.

now, if you haven't seen what these brides were wearing, you should find it online. i can understand women, especially moms being appalled by the thought of their daughters walking down the aisle in a bird-cage-inspired outfit or a belly-baring number in a roman catholic church.

but here's what it reminded me of...when i worked in a bridal salon in florida, i saw that kind of interaction often. except we didn't have pants or red dresses on the rack (we did have dresses with red accents, though! black too. and once sold this dress. no lie. but that's another story.) these girls that i worked with were trying on completely normal, traditional wedding gowns. and a few of them had mothers who reacted the same way as the mothers on WWYD. fully opinionated and hating everything and anything their daughters tried on..and very vocal about it. followed by picking out something of a complete opposite style for her little girl to wear...which, of course, the daughter wasn't interested in.

some of this is understandable...after all, they're usually footing the bill. but when a mother is throwing tantrums over the tragedy that her daughter wants strapless instead of long frilly, poufy sleeves...that she wants a simple elbow length veil instead of ten layers of cathedral length tulle, with a couple layers over her face, that she wants her bridesmaids in the tea length cocktail dress instead of the one with the big bow on the butt...all these are non-issues. it breaks my heart to see brides being degraded and put down by their mothers over a dress...in public, no less. i can't imagine what their childhood has been like.

of course, not all moms are like this. most are reasonable, a few are downright cool about the whole experience. but there are a few who are outright nightmares to work with, trying to control everything, out to get the very best without having to pay hardly anything for it, all the while the bride gives us an apologetic look. i could always see down the road an "everybody loves raymond" scenario with a meddling mother living next door.

perhaps the most shocking part of the WWYD segment was when they had some expert of one kind or another (sorry, didn't catch his name). he said "remember, at the end of the day, it's the mother's big day. go ahead and do what she wants." jared and i dropped our jaws and just looked at each other. um, no. it's the bride and groom's big day. they get what they want. if they happen to create a day that the mothers are pleased with, well, that's just icing on the cake. the parents don't have to pay for it. it's a generous gesture, but if it's going to come with controlling the strings, keep your money. moms, you had your chance, and you could have a renewal ceremony if you wish. but this is the daughter's time. (this applies to differing philosophies of raising babies as well, by the way..)

soo....what would you do?