foster class #1

so last night was the first night for our foster/adoption classes through agape. i want to explain this whole process because i know it's confusing, but don't want to be too wordy....

agape is a private, church of christ-affiliated adoption/foster/pregnancy help agency. TN has the state (DCS), youth villages (which deals with higher risk teens), a methodist and catholic agency, which deals with newborn adoptions...open adoptions, moms who chose their child's adoptive families, etc. when we lived in FL, we completed these classes, but knew we were moving to nashville, so never fostered any children. the system is state by state, so nothing from our previous classes transfer. however, it's been 5 years or so, so it won't hurt to have a refresher. agape was the only place that would even talk to us about fostering-to-adopt a young child. (even DCS is only taking new foster families for ages 9 and up.) we don't want to do the newborn adoptions, mainly b/c they cost tens of thousands of dollars and the waiting time can be years. that's the same reason why we're not going internationally. plus, when i first seriously started thinking about adoption, it was because we had several foster families in our congregation, so i learned a lot through them. no right or wrong about it, just what's best for us and our desire.

we got to the meeting last night and learned several things that are different in TN than in FL. in our class were people looking to only foster, never adopt. some were looking to adopt without fostering. we're looking to foster a child or children (though only one at a time) until one comes up for adoption. we'll adopt and our little family will be complete. we may foster again after alena and her adopted sibling are grown. there were couples, some with children, some without, one single mom of 4 and 2 single women who had never married and want to have a child or children. we will all take this class together for the next 13 weeks. this is the same certification that all the agencies in TN use. after that, we'll do a home study, they'll look horribly close at our house, lifestyle, finances and parenting skills and style. after that, they'll match us with a child to foster.

one thing i didn't know about agape, every child they have, the parent(s) have voluntarily placed there. none of these children were taken by the state. that's hard for me to comprehend. i can understand one mom or two giving up their child, but enough for an entire agency dedicated to this? with more children than they can place? of all ages? wow.

so on the foster side, she said it usually works like this: for children under 1 year of age, that's a different process, which we're not in. i'm thinking that's along the lines of waiting for years and paying tens of thousands of dollars. everyone wants healthy newborns with no emotional baggage... so our child will be over a year old. however, our standards are that the child will be younger than alena, preferably by a year. so we're looking at a range of 1-2 years old...as alena gets older, i'll be open to older children. i think there would be a cut off at 4 or 5 years for me, though. so, we get certified, they match us with a child (you fill out a long list of every possible characteristic, race, temperament, and challenge that you are or are not willing to work with.) and that child comes into our foster care. she said they work really hard to not let kids linger in foster care. if it's more than 30 days, then they start working toward a permanency plan (permanently being with the parents...or not the parents.) at 15 months in their custody, they move toward terminating the parents rights. then it can take a year or so for all the court processes...then after a judge terminates parental rights, the parents have 30 days to appeal. (which can start the process all over again...) then several months for the adoption to be finalized.

i'm ok with all that time (though i know it will be frustrating and not easy.) but knowing that i can quickly have the child in my home that will be our adopted child at some point is exciting. i'm not too worried about the legal status, as long as i can be bonding with that child..knowing that the chance of having a child for 3 years and then go back to the parents is rare. though we could have a couple kids for a year each and they not end up being a permanent part of our family....though i'm guessing any child that comes into our home will always be a part of our family.

so that's where we're at. i'm hopeful and excited!