live, laugh, love

when we moved to nashville a few years ago, i didn't have much experience with death. i had been to countless funerals, as my dad was a preacher when i was growing up. i had lost several family members, including all 4 grandparents and 2 uncles. but all of them were after extended illnesses; deaths that were expected and relieved their suffering. most of them took place when i was too young to really have much opinion about it at all.

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shortly after we moved to nashville and started attending the church in our neighborhood, we met a couple about our age. they introduced themselves to us as "parker's parents" ...even though we had no clue who parker was. soon thereafter, the wife of this couple passed away from cystic fibrosis. a disease i didn't know much about other than having read a lurlene mcdaniel book about it in middle school. jared and i sang at her funeral, along with several other people from the church. she was 29 years old--2 years older than us at the time. i will never forget watching the husband walk in, practically being carried by his parents, and in the utmost depths of pure grief. their son parker was 2 years old. the church ladies spoke in hushed whispers how the boy would never remember his mother.

(since then, jared and i became good friends with matt, the husband. he began dating and later married hillary. matt and hillary have become very good friends of ours and parker (now 5) and alena adore each other.)

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when we first moved to florida as young newlyweds, a lady walked up to us and announced she would be our new mom. she later announced this to both jared's and my mom as they visited...she got 2 opposite reactions from our moms, lol. that was sue pinch. she was everyone's mom, including 2 beautiful, smart, talented, godly girls she had given birth to. sue was a manager at the space center and ended up approaching me with the most amazing job (and best paying) job i've ever had. for a year and a half, sue was my friend and boss. i can't begin to put into words what this woman meant to jared and me. after we moved to tennessee, sue was diagnosed with an inoperable, malignant brain tumor (brain cancer.) they gave her 5 years. i believe she lived about 3. since we weren't there during her sickness, it's still hard for me to believe she's really gone. when we went down for her funeral last summer, we saw so many of our friends. it just felt like sue was out of town or something. that we'd be seeing her the next day. sue was cremated and i'm really sad that there's not a physical grave that i can go and visit. her daughters have been unbelievably mature and strong during this. on the day of sue's funeral, her 16 year old daughter told us "it's ok that this happened. i'm sue's daughter. i have so many people who are going to take care of me. but now that this has happened, i can minister and help other people who have lost their parents." i marveled at her that day, but secretly worried that she hadn't processed her grief properly yet. in the time that has passed, the truth has come out. these girls have processed it. they have good days and bad days. but their overall attitude toward this is nothing less than what sue would have expected of her girls. sue was 51 when she died.

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At the same church in nashville, there was a girl named leigh allyn. she also had cystic fibrosis. i remember the first time meeting her, thinking she was funky and fun. someone i'd like to be friends with. her mom was also very lively and upbeat all the time. a very fun family. i got to know leigh allyn, but we didn't get super close. however, she was an inspiration to people around her. always positive and lively, never shying away from the facts, always willing to answer questions or explain the details of her current issues. around christmas, she was found to be in that small margin of sick enough/well enough to be put on the lung transplant list. of course, the bad thing about praying for a transplant is that it costs someone else their life. because of her small size, the lungs would need to come from a healthy 12 year old (or about that age.) in the past month, she had not been doing well, in and out of the hospital with infections. last night, i saw facebook chatter that she had been rushed to the hospital because she was coughing up blood. by time i went to write "we're praying for you" on her wall, i was seeing notes of "we'll miss you" and "RIP" it was very sudden and very fast. leigh allyn lost the battle against her lungs at a young age of 23.

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death is a part of life. we all understand that. i believe that there is heaven after this and we will receive perfect bodies..with perfect lungs and no cancers. still, it doesn't make it any easier for those of us left here.

i'm so thankful that i haven't lost a parent, sibling, child, husband or best friend to death yet. but one day i will. with each person that we lose, i think we're always inspired to make this life count. so often, people with illnesses are people who inspire us the most. they're the ones that take this life and make the most of it. while i'm healthy, i want to make sure that my life counts. that i'm making the most of each day.

"when you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.
live a life so that when you die, the world will cry and you will rejoice."